Director: Adam Minarovich
Starring: Adam Minarovich, Jeremy Busbee, Michael Moore, Catherine Minarovich, Timothy Fahey
Three feet tall! Two inch fangs!
If this is not totally correct then I apologize… actually, no I don’t. You try watching this and keep yourself awake enough to gather an idea of what the plot is about. Midget gangster vampires are on the loose in a southern town. They are attacking random hillbilly’s and a blade looking guy is after them. To gain strength they steal an ancient sword that can turn even normal sized people into vampires.
I think that is sorta correct. When you grab a z-grade movie where one guy (Adam Minarovic) is credited as the screenwriter, producer, director and a leading role then you should perhaps avoid any expectations or even dare to watch it. However, how can you say no to a movie with midget vampires right?
Sorry to say this is very bad. It’s movies like this that makes me frown upon those who say that Plan 9 From Outer Space or Troll 2 is the worst movie ever made. If you are able to find anything good, except the fact that it has midgets, then I admire your positive look on things. The acting is terrible, the direction is crappy, there’s not really any effects unless the cheap vampire teeth count and it’s awfully boring. The theme song is a highlight, it’s basically “three feet tall! two-inch fangs!” being repeated over an over.
What I do admire is that even after being involved in such a terrible movie, some of the ones involved have made a career in the industry. Adam Minarovic has written and directed three movies after this, they don’t sound any good (Wiseguys vs. Zombies, Buy Sell Kill: A Flea Market Story, Exhibit A-Z), but he does what he probably wants to do and that’s good for him. His acting career has landed him parts in The Walking Dead and other small movies.
If Ankle Biters had some humour added to it, then it could have worked on a schlock level. Sadly this missed opportunity of midget vampires turned into a big pile of crap. I give it a 2 instead of a 1 simply because it has… midget vampires. This is one movie that I would approve a big Hollywood remake of.